Stay steezy n WAVY, We can all find our PEAKS, Heaven Exists, Just Listen to Music and keep the good vibes daily.

- steez

<3 DJ

Meandering through the forest with wiz taylor and Tyler gang joseph through the forest like uh no body cares

Wussup my frendz,
here's where the story begins.

The Myth of Marley, Mowwlgi the 313ctric 313phant Boi, and Jahwz Wolf

Part 1: Capital Cities Kangadrew Court, Beast Alive Inside and Out, Kooks Twist and Shout, Get Loud, mainly chance the rapper oh so dapper tripper trap trapper, hacky sacker, knew drew deep wasn't going to die because he read between the lines ayayay nananan ahhhh, Lucky Chance CDs that's what I call LCDs and a Dream, Martin Luther King. Bling Bling Againn I'm Just a Boy, a Little Bent

First things first, I gotta say stay steezy mp3, be wavy and find your peak.

In a series of unfortunate events, MCC Drew found out all about Baloo's Clues and the truth behind Winnie the Pooh. He first asked Hoo Ashley (aka 427), where to go, and she simply told him to run down a petty dream, which was brand new to me. He went down to a river while reading Siddhartha, where he met a man skippin stones. For some reason, don't ask me why, he said, now you see me, now you don't. He just had this dog inside a fence chillin w this kitten. I kept on listenin to a chance dance because I liked to rap dance like my bros, skippin down streets, just rememberin that orange rhymes w door hinge.

During this one tidal wave after a prior avalanche, I gravitated towards cudii, tryin not to forget the slaves, the saints, and the girls, that either past or got away. Next thing I know, I began realizing my third eye might be blind and that Emily Blunt is kind of funny. Also, I don't know if I mentioned this, but I love Bugs Bunny.

Anyways, I'm just a boy wanting to be a psychologist like good Will Hunting. 2015 was a good year, hopefully 2016 will leap like my boi kid cudi. My friend mike is a game and i like muzic, as well as the Ducks, Pistol Pete, the 303, the back beat on the street, halloween candy, and pretending to puke rainbows while listening to birds the word from family guy.

- The Diary of Drew Deep

*Formerly spaceJAMtracks1740

Just a click away, wrlds urz boi. 7/11 more like 7th heaven, or 7 minutes in heaven, i dont know, these are just rhymes from a book if u take a look back once upon a time - ferris wheel, favorite colour teal.
To all my homies who really pushed the envelope if you know what I mean. Welcome to Robbin's hood if ya know what I mean.
Here we go on this Tom Hanks shiz, polar express dankness.
I always did like walking down the street nsyync, backstreets, with the homies on the concrete, makin beats, hittin peaks, friends coastin, dont mind the geeks, no boastin. I always did like LB, the real OC bb, wallkin down hidden valleys, trippin, mary jane on my mento, tom petty in a ghetto, no way though, j dillas donuts taught me loove and kindness from above. Is this real enough. My voice is louder still. On this still mornin I chill. Love for all my people fur real. the mc of BC.
I still remember those early mornings and how great they were, my thoughts ramblin going down to tablerock, not hardrock cafe, im talkin the beach, groovy, austin powers dig u baby. Met a man with a mission, prolly still fishin, now I'm just swimmin the seas of this collide. Please don't be shy.
...
So Dr. Seuss might be on the loose, Mumford and Sons might have cut the noose.
Watch Good Will Hunting, Will Bunting, Casey at the Bat, strikes out, hangs up his hat, gets on the grind, in alt j's wooded pine, and finds what truly not ruly shines, and uh finally finds his cat.
Does a dog deserve a pat?
LVRN was trippy to listen to on soundcloud, A$AP led me here.
CS Louis CK is smart
cool #sKiT #brdswrd Jah'soreal. Montreal.
"I think, therefore I am"
808s and heartbreaks wus n still sia sweet album
Will I Ams chull dudde. So are the Smiths n Stones.
Space Jam's p. dope like da pope of sublimee.
Where's Bugs Life & da Louney Dizney Moviez?
i miss u 1998..
Prolly ridin da TIDeArL Waave
Like I'm supposed to dial someone
All these caharttoonz on Washingt3n Avonu3.
We Callerado bb, where's muh coffeee broskiemontanna.
Yours truly, JBaby Blu, SOS Da Crew Dont snewz.
- Secretly Canadian 22 (SC <3 4 3v3r)...29 one day

mgmt has dem electric vibez, beach boyz babiez
no11ikesdaizzies.

Chapter 1: More 2 Come - Past Knowledge and Forbidden Fruit
Yo so plo twist, Michael kills Scott, sorry Scott. Mescudi, is dopest rapper of this century. I found that out by going to Papas Tacos a lot. I like to rhyme, tie u knott. Mudd Ratt is a dope friend, he taught me how to and how not to smoke pot. This is absolute tragic seashell by the seashore rudder chaos. Btw, my favorite 2 shows (I have a lot) are prolly office space and the office (british version).
The world is becoming seamless. We need less and less to do more and more. I think that all humans must avoid fluff at all costs for depth. And devices should only be used when they provide something no other device provides. After all, people are more important than possessions, so choose your possessions wisely, especially when it comes to gadgets which we already spend too much time on anyways. The world is filled with too much quantity and not enough quality. It is my prediction, or hope, that in the future, many people will begin to learn that happiness is derived from doing the simplest of daily tasks the right way and worrying about less stuff, but when an instance for worrying comes along, the only solution is to put all of one's energy towards putting those worries to rest by acting rather than sitting. Act today, not tomorrow, about all necessary tasks. Note that I say "necessary." You have to understand first what is truly necessary.

Can we one day cut the bull shit. Work hard. Pay our bills. Stop consuming and start creating. Think and imagine, rather than be entertained. Love and give, rather than hate and take. Listen. Start enjoying yourself again. You, life, and everyone else in it. It’s a beautiful thing.

If I had one piece of advice to the world it would be this: the world actually doesn't expect you to amount to much of anything, so be anything you want to be. If you think about it this way, the world (or people in general) do not want you to create but rather consume. Being a good citizen is paying for clothes, contributing to the ever growing economy, paying for a college education, becoming some well off person in a profession such as medicine, law, and the like. You know what these professions deal with though? Sick people and crappy law suits. By becoming a doctor or lawyer (nothing personal against anyone who has become or is becoming one), you are unconsciously banking on the fact that people will be sick and that people will be pissed off at another neighbor for destroying their view or cutting trees that are on their side of the property, and other nonsensical business like that. Sure, people are going to get sick and people are going to have major law claims, but is this all really helping society or hurting it? I am scared about how fast medicine and law are advancing with so little to show for society as a whole actually becoming healthier. So, in relating all this back to the beginning, all I have to say is that everything has pros and cons, and some things are riskier than others, but you HAVE TO, at all costs, go with what your heart desires. Your heart and soul will win out in the end. Don't do what you think society wants. That would be the worst decision of your life. Laugh at those who laugh at you. Give thanks to those who give thanks to you.

I sat, drunk in bed
Losing all hope is freedom
I was so happy.

The world is a better place because of everything in it.

I am starting to notice that “good music” is the most subjective thing ever. What makes music good is where you are listening to it and how it relates to the moment. If the two go together perfectly, then you feel musical catharsis. Most of music is deeply soothing. Music that does not soothe some part of you by either “making you whole” or “gutting you out” is not really music because music finds grace in unholy places, a spirit where only a hollow body seems to lie, simplicity in chaos, and justice in unfair situations. When listening to music, I sometimes like to close my eyes and just imagine…something. I attempt to explore areas of my mind where I have never entered before. And when I am there, I work to dissect that part of my mind and see what everything means. In a sense, music allows you to be high on life without any drug. It is pure and soothing relief, combined with wild and adventurous stimulation.

People hate the first person.
Want everyone to be robots.
No one is nothing, but chemistry.
There is some truth out there.
Buried beneath all of the lies.
But what if lies are the truth.
What if disillusionment is reality.
Rather be part of a broken world,
Than one with no soul.
Stop being so self righteous.
Stop resisting being yourself.
Don’t stop the train.
Make the ride fun.
Enjoy yourself any way you can.
Even when it seems life is a
Flash in the pan.
Like the gold rush
And uncle sam
And everyone who
Didn’t give a damn
That got many fans
And made a name
For themselves
In a thing called the game.

My music library:
Country meandering,
beach bumming,
dirty blues,
sad dudes,
Harmonicas,
Harmonies,
Intricacies,
Warming,
Soft acoustics
Swarming
Hard electrics,
Christian lyrics,
Whiny spirits,
Artistic savants,
Stadium chants.

Subliminal Undertones:
More is less.
Less is more.
Big sees small.
Small sees big.
The first finish last.
The last finish first.
The tough are soft.
The soft are tough.
Builds break down.
Break downs build.
Working is draining.
Draining is working.
Open things close.
Closed things open.
Smiles lead to tears.
Tears lead to smiles.
Do it light, do it right.
Do it right, do it light.
Pride invokes humility.
Humility invokes pride.
Success meets failure.
Failure meets success.
My only advice is a joke.
My only joke is advice.
Luxuries are necessities.
Necessities are luxuries.
Realities become dreams.
Dreams become realities.
Simple things become complex.
Complex things become simple.
Live on the ends, live moderately.
Live in moderation, live endlessly.
Why do today what can be done tomorrow.
Why do tomorrow what can be done today.

Homework Haiku:
Doing homework now
   It’s another sleepless night
Doing nothing really

Mainstream Blues:
People think you’re fucked up
And it’s not fair
Maybe you’re fucked up
Maybe it's fair

People think you’re an embarrassment
And it’s not fair
Maybe you're an embarrassment
Maybe it’s fair.

Thinking society is the enemy
Is the downfall of society
One rebellious leader
Is merely a fear feeder

When we realize ourselves
And take our identity off the dusty shelves
We find something remarkably more flawed
Than a society with major flaws.

We eat ourselves from the inside out
We obliterate our feelings without a doubt
We pretend like we do not care what they think,
But we do and this causes us to sink
Into a pit of unintended doom,
Because we’re afraid to accept what we’re born into from the womb.

Quirky Qids:
Awkwardly,
Spiritually.
Falling leaves,
Rolling sleeves.

Slight gestures, slight quirks,
Not necessary, no perks.
Coffee, half and half,
Shaky hands, nervous laugh.

Conversations wander,
Thoughts ponder.
Pigeons fly,
Heavy sigh.

Wild imagination,
No trepidation.
Sitting alone,
Cold stone.

No sight, no mind,
No one, no bind.
Head clear, insights steer,
Tongue tied, eyes peer.

He sat on the side of the road. His face in the cement. He was conscious. He was just confused. Where did his life go, he asked? Why was he such a mess? Not literally of course but mentally. Thoughts came rushing in that could not be flushed out. Cars flew on past to wherever fate was leading them. The sun shined a little too bright for such a sad day. Sometimes life is like that. The rain falls and you are happy. The sun shines and you are sad. Life is so, what’s the word, discordant. No, more paradoxical. Or perhaps it is ironically honest. Disgustingly honest. Anyways, this 20 year old kid was waking up from a nap… a nap of the most wicked kind. A nap one takes when life seems to be over and wish themselves dead, but wake up and realize that dying is not that easy and living is not that hard.

I need to start writing differently. As you can tell from the writing above, my writing has taken a somber turn. My life you must know is really quite spectacular. On the surface and deep deep down, it is blessed. When I wake up, on my cloud like bed, I take a refreshing shower, put on fresh clothes, listen to music, read a book, eat a nice breakfast, and do everything slowly. It is a nice life. I have to start knowing that there is no better word than "enough" because we always have enough in life to be happy. Things might not go exactly as planned, but everything is always enough to keep the train going and to keep this wonderful life cruising onward.

the more we can be like water (transparent, fluid, efficient, smooth, refreshing), the better.

focus. staying on track without worrying about what will be or what has been.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, look forward to tomorrow.
— Albert Einstein

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.
— Henry David Thoreau

Don't compare.
— Ms.Forester

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
— Wayne Gretzky

Be the change you wish to see in the world.
— Mahatma Gandhi

Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.
— Henry Ford

Ninety percent of success in life comes from just showing up.
— Woody Allen

You can always give something, even if it is only kindness.
— Anne Frank

Doors don't slam open.
— Me

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
— Steve Jobs

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
— Marianne Williamson

Imagination is more important than knowledge.
— Albert Einstein

1. The path is not straight.
2. Mistakes need not be fatal.
3. People are more important than achievements or possessions.
4. Be gentle with your parents.
5. Never stop doing what you care most about.
6. Learn to use a semicolon.
7. You will find love.
— Marion Winik

Falling down is part of life. Getting back up is living.
— Anonymous

Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.
— Christian D. Larson

Keep your eyes on the stars and keep your feet on the ground.
— Teddy Roosevelt

The adventure of life is to learn.
The goal of life is to grow.
The nature of life is to change.
The challenge of life is to overcome.
The essence of life is to care.
The secret of life is to dare.
The beauty of life is to give.
The joy of life is to love.
— William Ward

All the great pleasures in life are silent.
— Georges Clemenceau

We didn't come here to fit in.
We came here to be who we are.
We didn't come here to work.
We came here to live our dreams.
We didn't come here for the stuff.
We came here to love each other.
We didn't come here by accident.
We each came here with a purpose that is uniquely our own.
— Anonymous

Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.
— Denis Waitley

This is my wish for you: comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, patience to accept the truth, courage to know yourself, love to complete your life.
— Anonymous

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
— John Burroughs

God loves each of us as if there is only one of us.
— Augustine

Don’t fear, Just live right.
— Anonymous

All of your days have already been written in God's book. When you go through a disappointment, don't stop on that page. Stay the course. Keep believing. You may be tired, discouraged and frustrated, but don't give up on your future. Our God is faithful. Glory be to God in the highest and Peace to his people on earth.
— Pope Francis

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them – every day begin the task anew. - St. Francis de Sales

Fear less
Hope more
Whine less
Breathe more
Talk less
Say more
Hate less
Love more

"Beautiful things do not ask for attention."
— James Thurber

"I don't think a ball has any value." "Well what do you think has value?" "Art."
— Conversation with my cousin, Nicholas Marshall

"If you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
— Mother Theresa

I know we stopped celebrating monthiversaries a few months ago, and I totally understand why. Because we get busy, and we are running in a million directions at once which makes it hard to write a paragraph or two or three or four or... you know how my letters can be way too long sometimes, but here goes nothing. These letters are kind of like me in life: I speak too much about too little. I never know what exactly to say to people, probably because I am a people pleaser and my language of love is affirmation which makes it hard for me to talk to people (even though people might not see it) because I am always seeking approval with what I say, like, and do. But then, you come into the picture. Every time I see you, any anxiety, uncertainty, fears, pains, and all the other emotions that can rob me of my innate happiness on a day to day basis, seems to slip away into thin air. All I can think about is how beautiful you look in that dress, how nicely your earrings look on your cute little ears, how honest and genuine your eyes are, as if they are a mirror image of Heaven, and how perfect your smile shines throughout not only your face but your entire body, making you radiate like a sunny summer’s day. And sure I have seen your ups and the downs as well, I have seen you in tears and pain, and I am sure my smile helps alleviate some of your pain too, but I honestly think that my smile wouldn’t be able to shine half as big and bright without knowing that I always have you to come back to; that no matter how gloomy a test goes, how mad one of my parents might be at me, or how unfair life is at the present moment, all of that can disappear in moments just by looking at how beautiful my amazing girlfriend is, both inside and out.

Every now and again, as our relationship ventures onward, further into the future than I could have ever imagined after the first time we met, or the first time we talked, or the first time we kissed before I got in my car and had to drive home before my mom suspected I was up to anything, I think of how cool and lucky and downright awesome it is that we have been able to share our lives with each other for the past couple of years.  I usually am a person who likes to think about the future, as you know since I am always trying to know the most fashion forward thing or listen to music that just came out or treat technology as if it was some sort of divine mythical being, but then every now and again, the one person who brings me back down to earth, who makes me want to settle down in a nice little hut somewhere near the beach, live a simple life, have kids, go to mass every Sunday, and enjoy every single day with nothing but love in my heart, is you. Without you I would be lost... well, even more lost and aloof then I already am. But you have some sort of power to make me think straight (but also make my heart weak with too much happiness to carry), as well as to bend the way I think simply through your actions and love alone. I want to try stupid, funny things when I am with you. I want to do things I never would have wanted to do before. I want to kiss you in every tiny corner of this world, on every street, and annoy people with you every chance I get with PDA, just hugging and kissing you at all moments, under beach piers, on top of lifeguard towers, in libraries, wherever... Okay, I am getting ahead of myself again. What I really mean, is you bring out the best in me. You make me feel loved every single second of the day. You make me so happy, and everyday I will do my best to never allow you to ever want to leave me, to always win you over day after day after day.

You are a Laguna Beach kid’s dream girl. You are the girl he would die for. Literally. Sometimes he wishes he got the chance, just to show you how much he loves you, but that means he would have to live without you, so let’s pray that never has to happen. But if it does, he will take the bullet for you.
Love your lover boy,
Andrew

I have made some bad decisions in life, but Lauren is not one of them. You know those moments when you look at yourself in the mirror and say "nice job man"! Well imagine doing that every single day for the rest of your life. That's what it is like being with her... a true miracle in my life.

Family

12/31/13
Andrew — At this point in your studies at Davis, you are likely pretty comfortable with your surroundings. I'm sure you have made good friends, taken several classes you have enjoyed and know how the whole campus system works. Your Father told me you are a very good student, and that is very important for a lot of reasons. Not only is it important to push yourself on challenging matters because the rewards are always greater, but it will give you more satisfaction in achieving success in difficult tasks later on, the opportunities that come to you after school are directly related to how you did. Better performance in school means more opportunities after (after meaning when you're working). Better opportunities after means better choices on what you want to do, how you live, where, etc. This is a long long way of saying be an "A" student if able (and you are). If it means sacrificing a little more time and putting more effort in, I promise you will be happy with the results. I mentioned your friends... The ones you make in college will be friends for life (many, not all). Choose "A" quality people; those of high character and value. Be loyal to them. Character matters a lot more than popularity, and many in college overlook that. Choose "A" quality people to spend time with now (and later, after school). I am sorry my first note did not make it to you successfully. It went over several similar topics as I have written here. All in all, I hope you are not only enjoying school, enjoying the independence it gives you, but are not taking it as 60% school and 40% playtime. I promise you the formula is 85%-15% school to fun if you really want to have maximum fun when you are 30. Study hard, get the As, collect good people. Your parents are very proud of you, and it is very important you do the things now which you will be proud of later. Happy New Year and full speed ahead in 2014.
Your godfather,
Michael Burke

Andrew,
Keep it up. Maybe you will come a second Magic Johnson, or at least you have a model to shoot for. He could play any position, including a post man. Just judge your abilities and strive to develop the skills you're required to have, point guard, power forward or center. It is the determination you apply that will help you also in your other life's tasks, be it a teacher, lawyer, or mechanic.
Love to all,
Pops

So good to see you monkey.  We are both very proud of you in so many ways.

I suspect you probably realize by now, you and I have different skills and  approach to thinking and living; you have many gifts I wish I had.... And your insights set you apart from most.  I wanted to help the other night, and is said many things wrong...and I wish I could find a better way to help.

Never think that I feel you are inferior or diminished in any capacity.... If you feel this way, it's because my direct way of approaching issues often is not compatible with how our Andrew seeks guidance.  My words can seem harsh and pointed, and probably don't have the context to the issues you face.

If it helps, please keep in mind our you and I differ on how we approach the world:

Andrew... I am in pursuit to point a to point b in the most efficient manner. 

You.... Are happy with a path that goes from a... To d...to r...and then to b.....

And there is nothing wrong with your approach.    It's two paths.... And both ultimately will work... Just as long as you take your path and approach with passion to pursue with excellence. 

Anyway.  I hope you feel the love.

With that said, every young man that emerges from boyhood is worried how he will ultimately support himself.... As you can see from the article attached.  I did... And you are as well.

This is one rite of passage of many you will encounter as you become a man.

This undoubtedly cause stress.

And stress will never ever leave you.   You will always have it.  Stress and anxiety will emerge as you become self supporting.  Just as it will when you take a wife... Have kids, and have a mortgage..clients..bosses, investments, and retirement.

One thing I have always been impressed with you is your faith.   Faith in god and the Catholic Church.    As you learn to adjust to the stress of adulthood, I ask you to apply the principals you learned at St. Catherine's.

Except this time... The faith is in Andrew..... And the believe you will be in a good place and enjoy the adventure

Things will work out if you follow these tenets of living:

1. If you give it your best....good will things happen.
2. Luck and opportunities unfold.
3.   You are blessed beyond words if you incorporate your passions into your lifestyle. 

So follow the road, roll the dice, and enjoy every moment.  Be fearless, but mindful that the mistakes are because you were not diligent in planning or in your judgement.  With that said.... Don't let making a mistake  paralyze you from living life

Seize the day my son. Time is short and life is an adventure.  Don't be timid and be brave to face it without fear.

http://nyti.ms/1cGw82J

Today’s millennials face many of the same concerns and challenges of the late 19th century, when the booms and busts of the Industrial Age tore apart the accepted order.

Jeff

Dear Andrew,
Merry Christmas!!! It’s a quiet So Cal winter day, so I decided to break out the stationary and break in a new tradition: the Christmas letter. Christmas is kind of like Thanksgiving to me, because I feel more thankful at Christmas than then.
I recently got into Providence College, TAC, and the Catholic U, but these letters will continue. If they don’t, remind me. Call me when you can, and visit if we don’t go to the same college.
Thanks for being my friend. I have enjoyed the Elephants, the summer, and being with you and all my friends. (Also, hold on to Lauren.) (She’s pretty dang swell.)
Take care of yourself, (and don’t be a stranger!)
Love,
Brendan Luke
Dec. 20, 2011  P.S. Enjoy these festive Ande’s Candies!

You did it! You are into your winter quarter. Dominate again, keep questioning , exploring and reaching out to people and companies that inspire you. That is how you will find Gods and your path. It's a journey you are on; God doesn't tell you your end point. he wants you  to experience the path he leads you on. Treasure the journey, explore the roads and opportunities that people and your school present to you. It's one step at a time, that's the journey, that's Gods way, learn, love and live!! Happy 2014! Love you, ❤️
Mom

Starting from the moment you wake up this morning you have something to be thankful for. Whether it be the fact that you woke up in a bed this morning, because you had safe shelter to sleep under, a blanket to keep you warm, a family to wake up to in the morning that loves you, you all have the little things to be thankful for that believe it or not, not everyone is priveleged enough to receive.  So instead of being pissed at your uncle for forgetting apple pie because it is your favorite dessert, look at the table all the food is sitting on and give thanks, appreciate the plates sitting there, the utensils, and all the hard work it took for this great feast to come about. Kiss the cook and thank them for all the delicate and tedious work they put into ensuring this meal came about.  My point is, don't just spend today mindlessly eating, but rather really spending some time today to think what it is you are thankful for and why. Take the time to acknowledge it and make it be felt, never let the people who got you to this point in your life forget that they did.  I just wanted to let you know how incredibly thankful I am for meeting each and every one of you. You all bring something unique to the table, and you all contribute to the dynamic and loving environment felt when we all are brought together (or at least that's how I feel).  Sure we may not be right down the hall from each other, and sure Zach Williams isn't there to creep over all of us, butttt I'm still really really glad we all have kept in contact.  My experience at Davis would be miserable had I not met such a group of energetic, weird, and fun people to be around and I hope you all know that.  Thanks for always being there for me and helping me out when I make a fool of myself and do dumb things when I'm drunk haha. So whether you like turkey on thanksgiving or whether you like ham (I'm a sucker for honey baked ham) go ham and don't hold back. Bring back leftovers and happy thanksgiving everyone, I love you all ❤️
— Morgan Harrison, 11/28/13

Private
Our special son - Andrew Henry Jensen

I would hope that all people; have the opportunity to meet and share in life’s experiences with my son, Andrew Jensen and people like him. He has so many wonderful attributes that are to be admired and praised for his kindhearted intentions and thoughtful actions.

I am so grateful to be Andrew’s father, words do not adequately express how profoundly moved I am; to not only know such a wonderful person but to be in the rare position of being his father. Andrew means so much to me as a father and as a person. He is one of the most awesome persons that I have ever known or been around. He is very special to our entire family with his love, respect and interest towards all of his relatives.

Andrew is someone that I have grown to admire more and more, as he develops as a young man. From early on in his childhood, he has demonstrated an amazing desire to improve upon his behaviors and capabilities as a student, family member and good-hearted citizen, throughout his involvement within society at large.

Andrew possesses a deep connection with others and his ability to see the beauty of people of all types and the diverse world around him. He has demonstrated an ongoing pursuit of greatness in his perseverance of his studies, scholastic and athletic involvements and community service.

The world is a much better place with people like Andrew; for he is a thoughtful, considerate and supportive individual with a strong sense of humanity and the welfare of others around him. Andrew is extremely conscientious and aspirational to grow in his beliefs. He values living a moral and just life as he preserves in his learnings and appreciation of the lives and events around him.

My hopes for Andrew are; that he is able to share his character and love for life and humanity with people all over the world and to enjoy all of the diverse journeys in front of him, with no regrets and with all of the gusto he has to share with others.

The world has so much to show and offer to Andrew and he has so much to share with others throughout his life. I wish I were more like my son, for he has become an incredible role model for me. Andrew is such a grift from God that I will be eternally grateful for having someone so marvelous in my life. He is a Godsend to all of us and for anyone fortunate enough to experience his presence in the future.

Thank you Andrew for developing into and being such an incredible son, brother, friend and citizen, who emulates all of the qualities, we all aspire to possess and share with others. God bless you and the wonderful life you have in front on you!

From your proud father, lifelong friend, and eternal admirer,
Marty Jensen; October 15th, 2011

“Andrew Hank Jensen the Boy and the Story of Greatness in the Making: the Unauthorized Biography of the making of a True Legend”

Andrew… I will write that saga next; but in the meantime I have been asked to put some thoughts on paper expressing my true feelings about you. So sit back and enjoy the quick read, and look forward to the day you can read my upcoming novella.

Where else should we start this little exercise but the beginning of our relationship? You just moved to San Francisco to Vallejo Street, and the year was 1999… making you a cute little four year old. Your hair was thick, the smile was a big grin, and the butt chin was… well a handsome and distinguishing feature.

You quickly fell in love with the A’s and chose to annoy me to no end by wearing green and yellow garb. (Which are not the best colors for a kid with reddish hair). I teased you to the point you almost cried and you never understood how I could be such a mean guy. From time to time you would come over and we would watch the best bay area team… yes the Giants. We had a great time, and one day we went to AT&T to watch a game together… it was a fun day; and you even made the long walk home from the Muni without a single complaint.

All was not perfect in our cozy world on Vallejo… you saw too much of me, and very little of your dad, as the divorce kind of rocked your world. It was even harder for you after the Perla incident set you back a bit… ultimately making it very difficult for you to trust and even respect adults.

I had much to learn as well. My only experience with kids was my two boys, and I had the advantage of earning their trust and respect since they were with me the first day they were born. You and I had to pick it up without knowing each other, and all the baggage we accumulated. Being a step son is not easy… You have a new guy in the house; new family, new rules, and you missed your dad. You did not pick me as a step dad and had to adjust. Sometimes I was not fair or entirely patient with you… and said some mean things that were not right.

I thought you would never change and told your mom privately, in frustration, that I was finding it difficult to be a good step dad for you… thinking that our relationship was failing.

Then something magical happened… the legend of Jensen started to kick in, and you embarked on a path of dedication to being the best person possible. You started to have goals, you had dreams, and you expected yourself to be a person of accomplishment. Your teachers, coaches, and other parents all took notice and told us that you had earned their respect! Imagine this… at four years old, you found it challenging to trust adults and respect them, and in just a few short years… you won everybody’s respect: including mine.

Today everyone knows you are a great young man. You have faith, the work ethic, and the ability to withstand the frustrations associated with sports (losing seasons, coaches, not playing, positions that are not your favorite), and persevere. You get your studies done even when you are dog tired and ready for sleep. You are reliable and dependable. You are funny and girls will flock to you (I suspect they do already). Friends will seek you out and depend on your advice. Employers will value your loyalty and your commitment to hard work. Ultimately your family will honor you by trying to fit into your shoes, with the examples of your life.

You have successfully made the blueprint and foundation for a life that will give you happiness, love, and the courage to withstand the hardships and disappointments.

Mr. Jensen, I am proud of you as my step son and thank you for showing me how wrong I was… you have earned my respect and I am looking forward, not to the accomplishments you will achieve per se… but to see Andrew Jensen the man.

Jeff (Love ya!)

Andrew Jensen - Public Letter
Letter to my Son, October 18, 2011

Ok, I love this boy sooooo much, and in so many ways we are so different. But what puts a smile on my face every day, is when I think of him, I just thank God for giving me such an unbelievable son. An unbelievable person. Not only do I have the privilege of calling him my son, but he is an individual that makes me and many around him better for his presence in their lives. Now, that is not to say, that he can’t also drive me crazy because although we are family, we have many similarities and differences.

Let me share with you a few of our similarities and differences… I tend to be very quick in everything I do. I drive too fast, talk too fast, move fast and multitask. Quick, not my son. Slow, deliberate, methodical. Yes. Patient. Yes. Disciplined. Yes. But completing anything quickly, getting anywhere quickly or on time, or perhaps taking a shortcut to finish something within a reasonable time frame - is not part of my son’s makeup. To validate this point, just look at his Saturday school attendance based on tardies! Also, most people tend to get up when the alarm clock goes off. Not my son. I tend to be home when I say I am going to be home or call if I am going to be late… also, not my son. I tend to be sarcastic (surprise) and appreciate dry, sarcastic wit. Which, I have been told by my son, he doesn’t find too funny as it tends to be hurtful and mean in most contexts. And, you know, when I look at it, in many cases he is right. So, there goes my enjoyment of sarcasm and for a good reason. He doesn’t particularly like hearing it. Swearing, never appropriate, but like most people, it can slip out during times of distress. Not my son.

Now, this is a retreat, and we are being truthful here. So, here it goes, most people, and me included, can be known to pass judgment on others or make a negative remark when provoked, tired or they do something that really irritates another person. Most people tend to fall in this camp and share negative news/gossip from time to time. Not my son. I would say he NEVER talks poorly about others, and feel pretty confident with Never, but I will go with “rarely” as never just sounds a little too unbelievable yet I can’t think of a time he did. I find this characteristic of his, amazing because so many of us do it all the time and it’s pretty horrible as most people relish talking about others’ weaknesses or frailties and this is also where sarcasm comes into play. But not my son. What’s most irksome about this, is when you really want to let off a little heat about someone, let’s say a family member, he stops you or just gives you a look. He doesn’t want to hear it and let me tell you, the world would have far less negative talk, if there was no one who enjoyed listening to it. Because he shuts me up, every time… And I like to talk. Recently, I was lamenting over a boy who showed extremely selfish, arrogant and just plain obnoxious tendencies. My son just said, “Mom, he just hasn’t been humbled. He has not put himself out there to know what it is to fail, so that is why he acts that way. Leave him alone.” And, my son was absolutely right. I still didn’t appreciate this boy’s arrogant behavior but my son’s insight helped my relationship with this person and let me give him a bit of a break. My son’s insight allowed me to understand that you can’t understand failure if you have only set yourself up to be successful. And until this boy took a chance, he would always feel above it all.

I can go on forever about my son, but lastly, he is fearless, has no agenda and puts others’ interests always before his own. When I first met my husband, he believed everyone has an agenda. Our son tries consistently putting others first and never looks to push others down to get ahead. He is a team player, family focused, and looks to improve everyone’s situation before his. I love his fearlessness. With his heart, emotions, and relentless pursuit to be the best in whatever area he is working in and putting it all out there, every time for everyone to see and criticize. With that comes pain, but with that fearlessness, he shows us how to achieve true happiness and joy. With academics, sports, music, clubs, community, friends and family, he always gives his best to the task at hand and those around him.

Now, to conclude. Many times, I am stopped by people I don’t know who have come into contact with my son and I hear the same thing… No, not that that he likes to talk, because he does; but, what they have stopped me to say is, that he is just sooooo nice. Who can be that nice? Is he really that good? So, I will end with this comment from a Mom whom I ran into at the grocery store and haven’t seen in 5 months…. She started off by saying, “I just have to tell you I love your son Andrew. I know, we all have great sons”, she continued, “But, Andrew is up here (and she raised her hand above her head) and all the others are down here (she lowered her hand to her chest level). And, Catherine, you know I love my son, and think he is great, but Andrew is a role model to my son and others. You should be very proud.”

And yes, I am very proud. This letter is about my son, Andrew Jensen. Although he still can’t get home on time, can’t wake up to an alarm even though it wakes up our entire house, he is the best and I am truly blessed. I love you Andrew.

Love, Mom

Happy 3rd Birthday Little Man

Happy birthdays come once a year,
And Andrew, yours is finally here!
From two to three
What a difference we see,
From park to pre-school,
From gurgling to reciting your ABCs!

At two, you had
Few words under your belt
Now at age three, oh... What you say
Makes our hearts melt!

From diapers to pull ups
To toy story and Mickey underwear,
You are getting so big so fast
It is more than we can bear.

At two you were tentative
Took those steps – so careful and slow,
Now at age three you run,
Everywhere you go.

You can display quite a temper
When you don't get your way,
But you want to be independent
In all you do each and every day.

You gained a baby sister,
From age two to three;
And the way she looks at you
Is quite a sight to see.

The look on her face
Reveals so much admiration and delight
It puts a smile on her face
And everyone else's in sight!

You two will be family forever,
A bond no one can break;
So remember that even fights
Take two to create.

So stick by each other,
For each other's sake,
You are her big brother
And an awesome one you make!!

We "love you so much"
You hear every day
This poem is to tell you
You mean more to us
Than words can ever say!

In our hearts, in our actions,
We hope you feel it too,
Because Andrew, we would
Wrap up heaven and earth
And give it all to you!!

Happy Happy 3rd Birthday,
Love Mommy

Dear Andrew,
You are on of the most caring, funny, and lovable people I know and you are only person I know that possesses all of those traits so purely and with such abundance. I admire you for always looking on the bright side of situations and you are someone who I can always relate to. I absolutely consider you to be a blessing in my life because whenever I need a random laugh or someone to talk to, I really believe that you would be there for me. Not only that, but you are the kind of person who would stop and talk to just about anyone without any preconceived ideas of who they are, or even thinking about if they are worth your time. You are a role model for me in treating others with the respect and dignity they deserve. I am so blessed to have you in my small group not only because you are a beautiful person, but because you are a kind of sub-leader, if you will, that is never afraid to volunteer or share something personal and I thank you for that. Andrew, I truly mean this from the bottom of my heart - never change, for anyone, anything, or any event (unless it is God).
Love, Suness.

Dear Andrew,
You have to be one of the kindest, most caring, and humblest guys I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. I’m so happy I’ve had the opportunity to get to know you throughout these past few years. Since then I’ve come to know a guy that has an amazing heart, not to mention a great taste in music!

The way you treat Lauren is truly inspiring. I hope that I have a relationship like you and her have one day, and I am able to treat that girl with the great amount of respect and kindness that you do with Lauren. Cherish that relationship, and use each other to grow in faith and love, it’s one of the greatest gifts God could ever give you.

So, you’ve reached the second night, letter night! I remember this as one of the most impacting experiences on my Kairos retreat. It really is the time when all walls break down, and you see each other in a completely different light. But trust me, there’s plenty more experiences that are about to come along the way! How’s the pranking going, by the way? Cody’s a mastermind, so having him on your side will definitely help you out along the way. One of the things I realized while on my Kairos is that you can see God in so many different things. Adoration was one of the most powerful aspects of the entire retreat, and I’m sure it was for all of you! On top of that, the time you get to spend with your friends, whether it be throwing water balloons at each other or playing Zoo in the center room, God is always there! I learned to see God through my friends, and the ones who I have inspired me, the ones who keep me motivated to keep my faith strong. I see God in you, Andrew.

So, as you go through the rest of your retreat, I hope you’ll take advantage of all the opportunities given to you. It truly is an incredible experience that I hope you never forget. Stay connected to your friends, appreciate your family, and grow to new extremes in your faith. Let God’s love shine through you, and understand that it really is all you need in life. Thank you for being such a great inspiration to me, teaching me lessons in love, respect, and godliness. You’re an incredible person, Andrew, and I hope that you’ll let others see that too! I’ll be praying for you and everyone else at Kamp Kuper every second I can.

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” - 1 John 4:8

Love always,
Kyle Shackleford

P.S. Keep up the Kyle Style ;)

March 4, 2010

Oh Andrew,

How lucky and blessed am I to be your Mom!! God has given me many gifts, and you are truly one of them. I thank God every day for his gift of you as my son; having the privilege to watch you grow up from my “little man” to a man is a constant joy. Not only do I see you grow and mature as a person; but your character and determination as you take on the challenges God places in your path, inspire all of us to keep fighting our own daily battles, no matter how big or small.

There is a poem, by William Ernst Henley, Invictus. Invictus means “unconquerable” in Latin and the poem describes how a man should respond to life’s challenges. Henley says what separates men of character from others are the way they face those challenges. You have an unconquerable soul that is spiritual, strong, compassionate, and fearless. You are strong, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. You are respectful - to your peers, parents and to yourself. You are compassionate without casting judgement but instead expressing understanding; you are dedicated to being the best you can be and inspiring others to do the same by your actions. You are already a man of character and it shows by your spirit and, as Henley says, how you take on your challenges.

As with everything in life, it is not how it looks on the outside, but what is inside - the foundation that counts. The foundation is your soul and your beliefs that hold you up in times on trouble, and carry you toward your goals in times of triumph. It cannot be taught. It has to be felt and come from within. I am so proud of you as you encourage others to walk the walk and not talk the talk. As a child, Boppy always showed me by his actions and not words. He showed me his spirituality, his dedication, his commitment to his family, his love of his wife, all through his actions. I am proud to say, you remind me of him in that way.

You are very important to all of us in our family. You constantly strive for the truth, the good in the world and others, and balance that we all need in our lives. Most importantly, you show me what love is every day!

My favorite lines in Invictus:
Thank whatever Gods maybe
For my unconquerable soul…

And the last two lines of the poem: which are so my Andrew and how I see you living your life -

I am the master of my fate
I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL

Andrew, you have an unconquerable spirit, an unbelievable desire and drive to be the best son, student, teammate, friend, and brother. Continue to believe in yourself, in your faith, in your dreams, as God has blessed you with gifts to take on life’s challenges and live your dream.

“…for the day is you, and the light is you, the sun is you, and the beautiful, beautiful awaiting life is you.” I shared this quote with you before, but it embodies how I feel about you as my son, in my life, in our family’s life.

I LOVE YOU. God Bless you and let the Holy Spirit continue to guide and light your path.

Love Mom xoxox

Letter of appreciation for Andrew Jensen

Dear Andrew,

I have been asked by St. Catherine’s Church as part of your confirmation process to write a letter to you. The suggested format was to express the traits you exemplify that demonstrate your good Christian values.

So, I have listed out in alphabetical order some of the traits and attributes you share with all those around you.

Admirable - I admire your overall character and sense of purpose.
Brilliant - your brilliance shines throughout with your efforts and concern for others.
Considerate - always showing your concern for others.
Driven - to do the right things, as good as possible.
Earnest - always striving to help in sincere ways.
Faithfulness - true to your heart and your beliefs.
Grateful - fully aware of God’s gifts and for those around you.
Humanistic - compassionate mindset.
Instinctive - naturally in tune with what needs attending.
Joyful - lively and spirited seal for living.
Kindness - showing all around you your gentle soul.
Leadership - never in need but always there to provide guidance.
Motivated - intrinsic sense of purpose and direction.
Noble - serving others with honor.
Open minded - always receptive to understanding others and diverse viewpoints.
Purposeful - possess internal compass that is always seeking true north.
Quintessential - in so many ways, you represent the best in all of us.
Resourceful - able to enjoy life with what is around you.
Spiritual - your character radiates goodness.
Thoughtfulness - always aware of the impact of your behavior on others.
Utilitarian - able to make the most out of what is given to you in life.
Virtuous - conducting yourself in worthy manner.
Wonderful - such a delightful person to be around.
X-cellent - your efforts are always exceeding what is normally expected.
Youthful - maintain an energetic style about you.
Zest - exhibit dynamic approach to school, sports and life.

As you can see from just going through the alphabetical order I outlined above, you are a remarkable person and an enormous gift to society. You are such a blessing to your family and friends; I give thanks to God all the time for having a son like you.

I love you very much and you are loved and respected by so many around you.
Thanks for being the son and special person that you are; enjoy your life my son.

Love, Dad

Letter to Myself

Dear Andrew,
You really are a good son, a good athlete, a good friend, and a good person. You try so hard to be nice and say the right thing that sometimes you hold back and the things that do come out seem inadequate and insincere. Just know that people love you, and you got to find happiness, even through the difficulties, even when you are insecure and make mistakes, even when your dad is jobless and tells you how inspirational you are but really you feel broken and that you are following in his footsteps, even when you want to be the light in a girl’s day and say the right thing and go rolling down rough leavy hills with her and give piggy back rides and jokingly make fun of her for getting out in thumper so easily but really she is the light in your day and you can’t focus because she is the most amazing, sincere person I’ve ever met, even when she has you locked up in a chokehold or is kicking you or is simply reading the gospel verses for mass, it makes me cry to think that I can’t do enough for her and my mom and my sister and that I can be awkward and not funny and just all too serious. But, in the end, I want to die for you and find out how I can happily serve them every day of my life. I will speak out. I will never stop trying.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, it is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

Love, Andrew

Resume

Andrew Jensen
1538 Jade Street A, apt. 341
Davis, CA 95616
949-295-7683
ahjensen@ucdavis.edu

PROFILE
My name is Andrew Jensen and I am a 3rd year Human Development major at UC Davis. I took the quarter off however in order to attend to a family emergency back home in San Diego, and am looking to find a job that I can work at from September to January, and possibly return to during the summer. I was employed at the ASUCD Coffee House on Davis’ campus, where I learned many skills, including how to work as a team with fellow students in order to provide a great service to customers. I also write for a blog called Off the Beat (http://www.offthebeat.co) among many other social, academic, and volunteer activities. In my three years in college, I have maintained a 3.0 GPA and in my four years at JSerra Catholic High School, I attained a 4.15 GPA, while scoring a 1970 on the SAT. In addition to many honors courses, I took two AP History classes, two AP English classes, and an AP French class. I thoroughly enjoyed everything I learned in the classroom. Beyond academics, I had many valuable experiences as well. In eighth grade, I received the principal’s award and began giving back to my community, joining clubs like Meals on Wheels and the Boys and Girls Club. In high school, I played on the volleyball team all four years (lettering my junior and senior year), volunteered for my local communities, and dedicated time to learning what it means to be accountable, kind spirited, goal driven, and team oriented. I developed a strong work ethic playing sports all of my life, and loved to do everything with a chip on my shoulder, but also a smile on my face.

EXPERIENCE
Outfront Server, ASUCD Coffee House, Davis, CA — 2013 - 2014
During my time here, I learned a lot, including how to efficiently fill and wrap a burrito, make a custom nice looking sandwich, brew coffee, prepare smoothies, toss pizza dough and make pizza, among many other things. I also learned how, through hard work and accountability, great amounts of people can be happy in a large college setting. I washed dishes, took out the garbage, broke down boxes, fetched heavy carts and ice cream from the freezer, and did other dirty work that had to be done to insure that the coffee house was running smoothly.

Courtesy Clerk and Cashier, Albertsons, Laguna Beach, CA — 2012
This was the first paid job I had ever received. I worked here during the end of my senior year and the summer before college. This taught me so much about the food industry, good customer service, and managing stress. My main tasks involved cart duty, bagging groceries and offering to help people take the groceries out to their car, mopping the floors, cleaning the bathrooms, doing inventory of the store, putting food back where it belongs, facing all food items, taking out the trash, making sure the recycling machine was emptied, asking people if they needed help finding anything, checking customers out, counting the cash in the drawer at the beginning and end of the day, and either opening or closing. I really appreciate having had the opportunity to work at this grocery store.

Boys and Girls Club, San Juan Capistrano, California — 2009–2011
I monitored the game room, led kids on field trips, and co founded a volleyball camp for the summer with my friend Matthew Rudd, who now goes to USC, at this Boys and Girls Club and had many memories from all the kids here.

Youth Bible Camp, St. Catherine’s Catholic School, Laguna Beach, California — 2010-2012
As an alumni of this school and member of the youth ministry team, I wanted to give back to the community for all I learned both spiritually and academically, so I decided to volunteer each summer for the youth bible camp, where I would perform skits along with all the other team leaders, in addition to doing arts and crafts, preparing them for masses and confession, reading letters from parents, playing sports outside with the kids, helping prepare lunch for everyone, doing bible study, and doing many other activities.

YMCA, Laguna Niguel, California — 2009-2011
I coached, refereed, and kept score (depending on what they needed me to do) for a baseball and basketball spirit league where children with disadvantages, mental disabilities, or handicaps were given the opportunity to compete in sports with others who wanted to do the same.

Meals on Wheels, Laguna Beach California — 2006-2008
From sixth to eighth grade, I drove with my mom around to elder people’s homes and the less fortunate who have caretakers to deliver food and items they need to them. The smiles on their faces when I would deliver something to them was a life changing experience.

Aliso Viejo Volleyball Club — 2011-2012
My varsity volleyball coach assigned me and other teammates to coach at a volleyball camp for junior high and middle school kids seeking to improve their skills and develop their athleticism.

Caritas Christi, JSerra Catholic High School, San Juan Capistrano, California — May 2011-May 2012
Each year, a group of 10% of the senior class is chosen by the faculty and staff, and narrowed down by a written report and interview process, to represent the school as ambassadors to new students and parents, as well as to the community and parish. “Caritas Christi” means “Body of Christ”, and it signified that we were responsible and intelligent young men and women who represent the wishes of our school. We went to freshman orientation nights, gave tours of our campus, helped make sure everything went smoothly at our weekly masses, and presented thoughts of our senior class to the deans, principal, and administration.

EDUCATION
University of California, Davis — English, Class of 2016
SKILLS
Work ethic; timeliness; food experience; accustomed to dealing with people; cashier experience; computer literacy; acceptable french.

It's All Gonna Be Alright, Right?
When I write I want her to know I’m fine. I know she is worried about me. I am always worried about me. Well I’m worried about her more, even though I know she could get along just fine. But what if my angel, my bird flew away? Where would I be? She’s not trapped with me. An angel and bird, that’s the magic of them, they are always there for you, but they are not required by law to be yours. They can fly away so far and then come back in the morning, or not, it all depends on them. But you know that they will always love you if they were truly your bird or angel, it’s just they might have somewhere else to spread their wings even more fully. Someone who needs them more. Just take in each day as a blessing.

...That’s what the old homeless man who lost everything would say. He knows someone is on his side. That’s what I find beautiful. That there are people out there with absolutely nothing who’d give the shirt off their back. It doesn’t matter how ragged it is. It just matters that they would do it. A homeless man giving his old worn out sneakers signifies ten times more than a wealthy man giving up his rolex watch. A wealthy man is cursed because he must find something much more meaningful than possessions to give up to show that he is willing to give all of himself to someone. What will the wealthy man do before God? Give up his wealth… I don’t know if he could. I hope so.

I hope there is no racism soon. No cops either. No stigmas either. No bad ghosts. No institutionalization. No bad vibes. I’m tired of it. Random thoughts.

Getting off track. Get back on. Always. I’m okay. I’m on a good train. Angus Stone in front. She’s with me always. She will always be my bird no matter what happens. I’m just a boy. That’s all I have to remember.

Spanish Boots of Spanish Leather, I want to get her a pair, listening to that song right now gives me so much peace. I guess sometimes pretty things are just pretty cause they are. You don’t have to force it. If you’ve made it, you’ve made it. If you haven’t, you just have to keep going. It’s the climb (; Damn she’s so beautiful. This is a simple life.

I am so mad at him. And by him, I mean me. You don’t own me. And you sure will never own her. Angels don’t burn. They don’t submit to bad things. I feel so bashed, beaten, and bruised by my past. Sometimes I feel like I’m to blame for shit. Shit is an ugly word. Pray, love. Don’t hate. But seriously, why do bad things happen. I guess to make you understand that… fuck it, there is absolutely no reason. Some stuff is fucked. But it was. Now it is. All is alright. Kendrick knows. It’s all gonna be alright.

I still imagine the window, where Angus and Julia Stone wrote “I think therefore I am” (Einstein).

Most beautiful statement in the world. I don’t want to think sometimes but thinking is beautiful. Just don’t think too heavily about thinking. But the fact you think is beautiful. It is simple. But let her go. If you have to remember anything in your life, it would be to stay sane, love people including yourself so so much, think and be still, and let it go.

Poem to my 3rd bird, my angel, my baby, my sweet sweet artichoke.

Cupid’s Chosen Child
The arrow cupid gave to me
He said “son you’ve got magic
I don’t usually let a kid set an arrow free
But look for the girl you want, you have your pick.
There’s an infinite amount of arrows
In my bag at least
Don’t abuse the power, just one should do the trick
You’ve been looking for her, you are not a beast”
Cupid continued on
“Since you have an infinite amount in your collection
I guess you could get every girl on Earth now.”
But he winked at me, shrugged his shoulders, gave me the selection, and raised his brow.
“Here you go kid. Let her go.”
Maybe he meant let go of past guilt and sorrow
Or maybe he meant let go of the arrow
I don’t know
All I knew was I never wanted all the girls in the world.
I didn’t want a girl, I wanted the girl.
So when I finally did run into the one
I shot arrows again and again into her heart
Until this angel fell in love with me too.
I knew it would take time, I also knew I had to move fast.
And I also knew it wasn’t because of the arrows.
The arrows wouldn’t have an effect on her like the other girls
Because she was too smart for that…
She truly loved love
Not for the game of love, but because she understood heartbreak and beauty
More than any other individual.
I’m in love with her beautiful soul.
I want to collide with it everyday.
Like a love poem, a card, and roses on Valentine’s Day.

LET HER FLY. BUT NEVER LET HER GO.

Hi John, my friend and I both love music. We also both loved this one girl, but that's a long story and a long time ago. Anyways, I guess he is secretly my best friend and everything I do is for him. I haven't seen him in a while but he taught me how to surf and showed me bands like Airborne Toxic Event and others which led me to you. My friend Tony and I would listen to you for hours while getting high, and Ocean was a song like no other song before. That time you played for Guitar Center was unreal. Anyways, I have Bipolar I disorder and Idk if there is a make a wish on Sound cloud haha, but it would be rad if you could give my channel a look. I always thought my friend JBo reminded me of you and I, my initials being (A)(H)(J), my favorite band being Angus and Julia Stone. Anyways, Idk if this makes sense but lots of love 4 Australia <3 peace love and always steez. As Foster the People says, Call Me What You Want. (;

Dat Ol Ol Poetry
The Diary of Drew Deep, Lou Reed’s biggest fan

Out here where nothing ever shines
Gravity rides the pines
I hide out in a tiny shadow
Further I run, Larger I grow
Someone help me out
I’ve lost everything
All I am is a spout, a whale’s spout.

Drew deep once said
The further you go,
The further you sink,
The more you get lost
The deeper you are
The greater the hole
Well there it is
There you are
There’s your hole
Find what’s in it.

Never seems right
Bags not light
I gotta get a life
I gotta forget lies
Airplane boards soon
Where’s neptune?
Where do you get off
I get off here
I never left

Cool Thoughts
Cool Thoughts

Hi. Yeah. That's cool. Make thoughts and swim them in a pool.

Lights Fade: F C G F
Black turns to white. White turns to grey. Grey turns to light. Light starts to fade. Until nothing fades away.

Away
Away
Away
Away from this place
Away
Away
Away
Away to a place of grace

Are you gonna die for the one you love
Are you gonna dive like a shooting dove
Are you gonna rise like a phoenix in love
Are you gonna cry while searching above

It is interesting to see the world unfold while sitting on a lawn chair calling bluffs, watching people fold, playing the poker game of my life with a Lady Gaga like poker face painted on. Face paint is the one real thing in this world because we all have masks on anyways. And if we don't, damn are we beautiful.

Where to begin w the beautiful
When everything feels too cool
Hitting you like wind on a flagpole
It hits you perfectly, but the fragileness hurts your soul

I lost a bit of myself
In a mess i confess
But look at her undress
Was it a test, i stress

Hush hush she says
Pucker up she loves
Does the other still care
I am a teddy bear

Play with me as you wish
I am nothin more than a one night kiss
Turn on a good song
Ill get lost while u hit the bong

Lead me into your heaven
Show me double sevens
Triangles form mountains
Third eyes opened

Holy shit we’re brainstorming
Feeling like im touring through torrents
Songs no bullshit
Sit on the tips of your pretty lips

am c g f
“the stereotypes are true”

The stereotypes about me are all true
I am catholic, I can’t help it
I pray in a pew
Hoping I’m somehow part of a chosen few

But Heaven does not have a limit or capacity
Neither needs for modesty or chastity
It goes beyond the meager details on Earth
To something we only knew before our birth

A magical place that we knew even in the womb
Before we could talk, before we could move
Before we could walk, before we could groove,
We all really had nothing at all to prove.

We ate to survive
We felt so alive
We were not aware
Of truth and dare

All we knew was that
Life was good
Sturdy as wood
Just a little bit chipped
But life was good.

Blue Crush

I love the freckle on your lips
Like a poker game
I love when you drop your chips
It's okay that you're a mess
I am too
We're built to spill
And take our pills
Yep that makes two
Me and you, me and you
Swimming like sharks in a fish tank
Me and you, me and you
Making messes so dank

I'm your lobster
You're my lobster
I blush so easily
when they tease me
When you kiss me
It makes me bleed
Through my cheeks
But that doesn't mean
I don't believe
In you and me
Cuz I do
Like the sea
To our tranquility
Do not harm me
And I will guard you

I love the freckle on your lips
Like a poker game
I love when you drop your chips
It's okay that you're a mess
I am too
We're built to spill
And take our pills
Yep that makes two
Me and you
Swimming like sharks in a fish tank
Me and you
Making messes so dank

I'm here to stay
Like a fisherman
Who won't leave his bay
Drinking his beer can
At his wharf
With fishes like sports
Coming out of the blue
Waiting to sue
Him for taking their last breaths
Underwater
With you
Scuba diving
High fiving
Knuckles bursting
Cuz they're thirsty
For air
Underneath the deep blue
He calls it
His blue crush
His blue crush

I love the freckle on your lips
Like a poker game
I love when you drop your chips
It's okay that you're a mess
I am too
We're built to spill
And take our pills
Yep that makes two
Me and you
Swimming like sharks in a fish tank
Me and you
Making messes so dank

Poem to Carly

Dear Carly,
going to the northeast
That's so gnarly
A lot further than this beach
But I'm sure you'll do great
The music industry
Is for sure your fate
Wait, have I told you lately
You look great
Damn no wonder Kyle thinks you're a hot date
By the way, one look at him and I can tell he's an awesome soul mate.
Pursue your dreams and make them you
Go full steam ahead, make them come true
Only sleep when you hit the bed
Otherwise fill yourself up with all the knowledge in your head
Because that will lead you to greatness
Which I have seen in you ever since you were you're mom's little princess
Oh wait you still are
And did I mention I love your blue car
You are like a shooting star
Just waiting on your chance to go far
And find even more who you are
And I cannot wait to hear from you in the future
Because even though there may be flying cars and magic carpets
You are down to earth enough that you will find where you fit in on this big planet
For sure
Ever since we first met
To now where you and my sister have been friends ever since
You have been my family's best bet
Something we can rely on
As a sister without even a wince
Of doubt
Because you and the way you live life
Are what life's all about
Thanks for being the best little sis
That isn't Katie
Because she really is the best
But you are right up there with her
miss Carly
And I love you I love you
So be sure to stay true
No matter where life takes you.

Hey Katie, my friend posted this today and I thought you might find it interesting before heading off to college, whether it be USF or Fordham (but I'm guessing it's Fordham). Love you sis! "Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen."
- Mary Schmich
For MIT's commencement ceremony, 1997

I love spending time with you every day
Every single day is like a may day parade
Take me to Bali with you
Take me to Sydney and show me a nice kangaroo
Take me to the ocean blue, baby blue
I promise to love every part of you

The Cottage to Her Village
“Walking through the gardens, he found the key ingredient to eternal life. The eternal component however was not tangible. Rather, it was existential and mental. An eternal bliss. A constant state of childhood, even as his beard thinned and grayed. Where he found this ingredient, we will uncover in this novel. The guide to time travel. But time first must be traveled backwards in order to be traveled forwards. This will not be deeper than it has to be. It is just a novel, that a man wrote.”

Part 1: Naive Mind
Walking through the garden where he always walked, his mind began to wander. Here it goes again, another day dream, another voyage into the mystical unknown space known as the imagination. Here we go again.
Body continues to sway through the overgrown thistles and weeds of the garden. The garden was unkempt currently. No one to tend to it besides this boy, in blue overalls and a white linen shirt. He would watch over it. But not over it, necessarily. He would just roam through it, waiting for the garden to heal itself. He believed far too little in himself and far too much in mother nature.
Anyways, his mind began to ramble, in the same way his voice would ramble in its awkward, quivering way, when he’d talk to girls his age.
When he’d imagine things, he’d always imagine the past. He never looked forward too much. He always lived life backwards. I guess that’s because his idea of eternal life was simply walking backwards until he met the day of his birth, the day he was most fully alive. Most aware of his life.
Anyways, I’ll let him take the stage now.

I am walking through the gardens. Sure there are gardens outside. But I am walking through the gardens on the inside. It’s not too hard really, just imagine your subconscious coming up to fully greet you and guide your every move. Imagine memories coming to full glow, like the one at sunset when the sun is fully radiating off the ocean to create this great orange tint that sparkles throughout the entire atmosphere all the way up to the balcony you are looking out at the ocean from.
This is where I am. It is a place really. Let me tell you a story of when I was a young man. When I cared about how the garden looked, when I thought innocence and naivety were the worst things a person could ever have. Rather than essential tools towards surviving in this cold, brutal world.
I was twenty years old, when I began fully imagining everything that had went before me. And nothing really that would go after me. Who cared where I ended up. My parents, maybe. But not me. The friends who were fickle would not care about where I ended up, but would be sure to jump on the bandwagon of my friendship if I did do well. I did not want this sort of game. I already grow up in paradise. Now it’s about totally unlocking the jewels of this paradise and stop living according to another’s dreams. But rather learning entirely from the treasure trove of knowledge the past allows for.
Remember the days when you’d run around naked with me spraying a hose at you, my dad would say. Remember how you always loved your pacifier when you were young, my mom would say. Remember how you were such a good kid, but would yell at the top of your lungs whenever we would pass by a sports park and wouldn’t let you out, my mom would say. Remember how when we took you to your first sports game, you screamed so loud any time anyone cheered after a play. Man, we could take you everywhere and no where at the same time. Babies man. I was one at one point. I just remember little things.
The little things are the most important in the end.

4 Shadez of Blue

Andrew Jensen
My name is Andrew Jensen and I am a 4th year Psychology major at UC Davis. I took two quarters off however due to both a family emergency and personal health issues, and during that time studied psychology and drama at UCSD and San Diego Mesa Community College, respectively. From fall of 2013 to Spring of 2014, I was employed at the ASUCD Coffee House on Davis’ campus, where I learned many skills, including how to work as a team with fellow students in order to provide a great service to customers. In the past I have written for a blog called Off the Beat (http://www.offthebeat.co) among many other social, academic, and volunteer activities. At JSerra Catholic High School, I attained a 4.15 GPA, while scoring a 1970 on the SAT. In addition to many honors courses, I took two AP History classes, two AP English classes, and an AP French class. I thoroughly enjoyed everything I learned in the classroom. Beyond academics, I had many valuable experiences as well. In eighth grade, I received the principal’s award and began giving back to my community, joining clubs like Meals on Wheels and the Boys and Girls Club. In high school, I played on the volleyball team all four years (lettering my junior and senior year), volunteered for my local communities, and dedicated time to learning what it means to be accountable, kind spirited, goal driven, and team oriented. I developed a strong work ethic playing sports all of my life, and loved to do everything with a chip on my shoulder, but also a smile on my face.

1212 Alvarado Avenue, apt. 100
Davis, CA 95616
949-295-7683
ahjensen@ucdavis.edu
Introducing Me

This is a book about the four shades of blue: happy blue, sad blue, you blue, and me blue. It is not only a color, but a feeling. It represents the only color, I believe, that can be both completely happy and sad at the same time.

Think of a cloud, how it takes up the color blue behind it. We are all like clouds. We give and give and give (rain in the instance of the cloud) and receive very little in return. But the more we give, the more full we feel. If the world were made up of a bunch of clouds, it would be a better place. The blues and greys would instead turn to a beautiful puffy white, the kind of cloud even an airplane is safe to fly through.

So we have met our first two colors, blue and white. There is also green, which you see in the land you tread upon. It represents a lot of things, from money to envy to greed in every context, as well as the possession and withdrawal of land. Green is the color we use the most. Blue is who we are. Green is what we use. White is what we strive for.

This leaves room for red, the color we avoid, but humorously run after so feverishly. Like a fever, red hits hard with its passion. It represents love, lust, hate, anger, revenge, power, and everything in between. This is the color of our blood. Our blood, when it hits oxygen, turns a nice purple. Or dark red. Or violet blue. Whatever you wanna call it. It is darker.

I am not a scientific person and this is not a scientific read.

Our blood. The love and the passion are things we want. They are desires. They are drivers. Like a drug, in small doses, they are extremely effective at enabling us to get to where we need to go. To find shelter, to find a lover, to make children, to seek forgiveness from a person, to understand friends versus foes. But this bloody power must not be abused.

Purple, as touched on earlier, yellow, and orange are mutual colors.

Everything else is a shade of one of these aforementioned colors and together make up the color black. Which is the most diverse, bold, and powerful of all colors. Don't forget brown either, it's just way too humble.

I am slightly artistic, but this is not an art book.

Black is the color resembling the night, shady activities, sharp tuxedoes, blacked out limos, batman, and all those things which refer to something that is both sexy and dangerous at the same time. Black and white together are a lethal combo. That is something so classic, it goes together like red wine and cheese, like the match made out of heaven. The girl usually being the white angel and dove in my book. The guy being the blacked out, sexy and smart entrepreneur. This is all in my book.

This is a relationships book. This is all about how to treat others as you want to be treated and to find out your perfect shade of blue. This is not advice. This is me doing me and you doing you.

Personally, the blue paint on my bedroom wall at the house I lived in from 6th grade to the end of my sophomore year at college helped me to face some mental roadblocks and find out what it means to have grace, how depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, autism, and all other sorts of disorders make you unique in a positive rather than negative way, and how the best friend you can have at the end of the day is yourself.


Waking Up

I wake up early now. It's nice to see the sunrise, you know. It's always nice to see a sunset, but I argue that a sunrise is just as beautiful. I wake up early to my blue wallpaper, I stare at a mirror while brushing my teeth, shooting back a mirror image of myself, staring into my sea blue eyes. Then I look out through my glass window to the sea, which seems to call to me.

I always thought the more we can be like water (transparent, fluid, efficient, smooth, refreshing), the better. I always thought the less we can be like fire (brash, rough, destructive, damaging), the better.

This is the green and blues trumping the red and oranges. This is a coloring book with nothing to color. This is the Rock Paper Scissors of colors.

Fire fighters have always been cool to me. They fight fires. They wear red to show that they are one with the fire, to disguise themselves as the fire itself, and then they find the root of the evil and quiet down the fire. They cannot always completely drown out the noise of the fire. After all, some fires burn naturally, but they can turn down the volume.

Fires are just so damn loud. Red is such a loud color. Be quiet, everyone sees you. Jack Johnson wrote a song like that. It was called Losing Keys in his Sleep Through the Static album.

I lose a lot of keys. It makes me blue. Just thinking about how many times my keys got stuck in the sand or a car door or the cushion of a couch. I lose a lot of things in general. I lose wallets, phones, all the most important things.

Never the unimportant things. Nothing unimportant ever disappears.

Why is that? Because we do not care about unimportant things as much. These unimportant things are more blue than green. Phones are green. We overuse them. Car keys as well. We overuse them. An old t shirt. It's just blue. An old sweatshirt. Blue. The good kind of blue. The kind that never leaves you. Like the puppy you had when you were two.

I remember a girlfriend of mine way back. This was before she was my girlfriend. It was 4th of July and I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend. As we were making our way up from watching the fireworks at the beach, I was gonna ask her right then and there. As I reached into my pocket, my keys were not there.

Instead of asking her out, I spent the next 30 minutes to an hour looking for those damn keys. Maybe that was a sign we should have stayed friends. God saying I would lose touch with her, just as I lost touch with the keys.

I am pretty into the idea of things happening for a reason, to an extent. It's not that our entire life is already mapped out or that karma always has to be a bitch. I just like the idea of God seeing we do one action and giving us two roads to travel down.

A Robert Frost scenario. We can take the consequences of our actions now or postpone them for later. We can drink or smoke away our problems and have health problems later, or face our problems and see light blue skies on the other side.

Anyways, back to losing keys. That reminds me of my first car. After driving my family's massive black suburban for a while, a car my friends humorously spray painted an Anarchy symbol on the back window, I started driving a Mercedez Benz. 1995 edition. A year after I was born. It was as fresh as Barney. A nice purple color. I really loved it once I became accustomed to adventuring in it, and loved it for who it was rather than for what it looked like.

This car not only got me from point A to B but it also had character to it. The maroon exterior made way to a sandy beige interior. It had a soothing feeling to it. It had a cassette tape player, a radio, and no cd input. It just was. You know. That's how I want to be. Just be who I am and just let people enjoy me however they need to with me just being me. I wanna go miles and miles, breaking down only a handful of times, and see a lot of sights along the way.

I guess that's what purple means to me. Something good. Like a worn out blue. One that's been beaten and bruised, but still functioning as well as ever.


Sitting Down

I sit down differently than people. I slouch. I can't sit straight. It's not even because I am tall. I am only 6'2" after all. Not too big of a deal. Nothing to give me back problems. I just love to slouch. It makes my body feel more at ease or in tune with itself.

I remember my teachers in class. Elementary school status. Sit up. Close your mouth. You're drooling on your book. Focus. I just couldn't find education useful the way other kids did. I cared a lot about it. I just could not show it the way they did.

I sat down in the morning, opened my book, and told myself this is going to be a long day. I was so blue. Navy blue. I went to private school so we had to wear navy blue pants or shorts with a navy blue sweater, and a white or red button down. I always wore white. I never liked red much. It was so American. Too American. Is there such thing?

There is not such a thing as too American. Being American is a good thing. There is just as much white as red, with the blue square where the stars are, that we reach for.

We said the pledge of allegiance every morning. We said it every morning like we were in the army or something. Who knows, maybe we were. The army of children, learning to survive in the hunger games of the world.

I played on the playground to no end, playing with that orange basketball, that yellow tennis ball, the brown football, brown being a humble color by the way, and the red rubber ball, all on that black top. It was a great mix of colors and people, which for the most part always retreated back to blue.

I love time traveling back to elementary school. But only so much as one looks through a vintage picture book, or scrolls through their modern Instagram feed, because in the end the past is the past and we can not relive life backwards, only forwards.

We cannot even live life forwards. Only in the present, which truly is a gift.

So I will talk about my present now. It seems the most pertinent to the color blue. I learned a lot from teachers to coaches, parents and mentors, me to you. Here is the story of Mr. Blue.


Getting Out

I just got out of a psyche ward for acting strange. I was acting strange. I am sitting in my parent's car wearing a blue hoodie, feeling like a slightly better version of myself, or at least that's what they tell me.

A sedated version of myself. Not necessarily a yes man. But things do not get to me as much. I recently broke up with my girlfriend. That is a fact. My family is moving to San Diego. That is a fact. My sister and step brother are going off to college. That is a fact. I am taking a year off of college. That is another fact.

The risperidal helps me control my thoughts, the ones that were racing like no other. Racing like cars down a freeway. I did not know what anything meant, because I tried to find meaning in everything, rather than just accepting things at face value. I raced in my mind, which slowed down my life and drove me into a mental dead end. All I had to do was slow down my life enough to see around that road block.

I thought this about road blocks, way back, in a journal:

He sat on the side of the road. His face in the cement. He was conscious. He was just confused. Where did his life go, he asked? Why was he such a mess? Not literally of course but mentally. Thoughts came rushing in that could not be flushed out. Cars flew on past to wherever fate was leading them. The sun shined a little too bright for such a sad day. Sometimes life is like that. The rain falls and you are happy. The sun shines and you are sad. Life is so, what’s the word, discordant. No, more paradoxical. Or perhaps it is ironically honest. Disgustingly honest. Anyways, this 20 year old kid was waking up from a nap... a nap of the most wicked kind. A nap one takes when life seems to be over and wish themselves dead, but wake up and realize that dying is not that easy and living is not that hard.

...

I sip out of a blue tinted glass now. Milk. My favorite drink. Whether from those fat cows, that is repetitive, or from coconuts or almonds. Milk is milk. Like honey, I just never see any fault in milk. I love how nutritious and filling it is. I just got to be sure to stay active so it doesn't go to my gut too much. I'm fine with things going to my legs, back, arms, anywhere but my gut. My gut already has enough feelings going on. It doesn't need a secret flap to unleash information out of. It doesn't need a filter. I already doubt my gut too much, which as it turns out was good at the time because I was way too impulsive. And needed first to control my impulses before I listened to that good old gut.

In keeping with my gut, I put down a lot of food. Like milk, I love fish and meat. I love veggies. I love bread, hummus, salsa and chips, and cheese and wine and beer, and all sorts of other edibly nutritious fine drinks and dining compliments. It all tastes so good. Self control is a tactic I have to use regarding food, especially when I am on my medication.

I am like everyone else. A human. Who needs to eat to survive. Who needs shelter, food, and comfort to say it was a good day. Art comes once you have all these things taken care of.

Art is so important to me, but art can be seen in the will to survive. I listen to music to make this life less about survival and more like a bible, which leads to revival of the will to survive in a natural, uninhibited way. Music unleashes the poetry of life in us.

I once said this about music, in a journal, way back:

I am starting to notice that “good music” is the most subjective thing ever. What makes music good is where you are listening to it and how it relates to the moment. If the two go together perfectly, then you feel musical catharsis. Most of music is deeply soothing. Music that does not soothe some part of you by either “making you whole” or “gutting you out” is not really music because music finds grace in unholy places, a spirit where only a hollow body seems to lie, simplicity in chaos, and justice in unfair situations. When listening to music, I sometimes like to close my eyes and just imagine…something. I attempt to explore areas of my mind where I have never entered before. And when I am there, I work to dissect that part of my mind and see what everything means. In a sense, music allows you to be high on life without any drug. It is pure and soothing relief, combined with wild and adventurous stimulation.

...

I continue to drink out of the blue tinted glass. Water now. I can see through to the other side of the glass. That is the best when you realize there is life in between the glass we are in, not trapped in, but given life in. Sometimes we realize in life there are boundaries we have to respect. We cannot always know everything about everyone. Only that Mr. God person can know anything about that, wherever he sits, comfortably above us smaller people, so cute in our daily activities. I won't talk much about him. Or her. Besides the fact that I truly believe in that spiritual thing we all like to. Fight Over. For so long. Like it's up to us to know anything about that.

In regards to the spiritual, I have sat in a church pew many times in my life. I am Catholic and have prayed many times, sometimes out of my own pride and other times out of humility, like something out of a Mumford and Sons album. I wanted my soul to be awakened. Little did I know that living my life would enable me to open up my soul by living it alone. It only takes one heartbreak, one struggle, one flee for independence, to realize that we are not alone in this quest. That something else is keeping us alive.

I am a religious person. I am not devout. I am slightly spiritual. This is not a religious novella or bible or whatever else people read these days. It's just a little magazine article without the pictures and advertisements. It's just a self help book without actually offering much help or advice. It's more a book about the self. About the actualization of that.

Here is a religiously spiritual honest testimony I jotted down. A song I wrote once:

The stereotypes about me are all true
I am catholic, I can’t help it
I pray in a pew
Hoping I’m somehow part of a chosen few

But Heaven does not have a limit or capacity
Neither needs for modesty or chastity
It goes beyond the meager details on Earth
To something we only knew before our birth

A magical place that we knew even in the womb
Before we could talk, before we could move
Before we could walk, before we could groove,
We all really had nothing at all to prove.

We ate to survive
We felt so alive
We were not aware
Of truth and dare

All we knew was that
Life was good
Sturdy as wood
Just a little bit chipped
But life was good.

...

I look at brick, and think of stones, and people being stoned for wrongs in the past. Or people laying brick after brick to build something of more beauty. The sum is more than the sum of its parts. What is the extra thing? Will we ever know. No.

It's just when you build things, like Legos, they tend to look a lot cooler after you build them than when you first look at all the pieces lying on the floor. One step after another and you build Rome. Not in a day. But. In multiple days. It's not like Rome was built in a year or a billion years. It was just being built, or destroyed, every single moment, in every single action taken against or for its progression. That's how Legos are for kids. They see the progression in real time.

Real time. That's the current moment. That's what's cool. Not even what's on a watch. Just the present. Living in the moment. Damn, I could write so many thoughts about that one idea.

Moms have trouble with living in the moment. You know. They worry too much, which makes them so great. It's not their fault really. My mom is the greatest. My other parents are great in their own way too, but my mom is the damn greatest. Like freaking great. Do you understand me?

She has those crinkles around her eyes, and those shallow cheek bones, the ones you know have smiled and cried too much thinking about you all day and night. I love that about my mom. Her energy is invincible. No one can stop her from loving me. It's scary sometimes. I hope I find a wife like that. My caring wifey who just cares so damn much about my children. My young adults. My crazy goofballs.

It's gonna be cool raising kids. It's gonna be a roller coaster ride, and I'm not even ready. But I'm ready at the same time, ya know. I'm just waiting to find the right girl. I have had good relationships with girls in the past, but now I'm looking for the special one. Or I'll just date for fun, who knows. Nothing too serious.

Life's no fun when it gets too serious. But that doesn't mean I can avoid the serious. I have to face it straight on. Life is lived better when it's lived like a little kid's toy bulldozer that can just break through everything and create new paths rather than seeing an obstacle and just turning around. We need to be like a freaking Miley Cyrus wrecking ball. Just not so wrecking. Not so red and more blue.

Not so grey, and in the fray, and more clearheaded wrecking through the spiderwebs of our minds. Cage the Elephant wrote about spiderwebs once.

This is something I wrote, a song, about colors and the need to escape the foggy cloudy grey and jump on those fluffy white ones. In our mind of course. Here it is:

Black turns to white. White turns to grey. Grey turns to light. Light starts to fade.

Away
Away
Away
Away from this place
Away
Away
Away
Away to a place of grace

Are you gonna die for the one you love
Are you gonna dive like a shooting dove
Are you gonna rise like a phoenix in love
Are you gonna cry while searching above

...

Speaking of love, I wrote a song about that (or what I thought it was) too. Entitled "Blue Crush". You might hear it as Blush Crush too. Names are names:

I love the freckle on your lips
Like a poker game I love when you drop your chips
It's okay that you're a mess I am too
We're built to spill And take our pills Yep that makes two
Me and you, me and you Swimming like sharks in a fish tank
Me and you, me and you Making messes so dank

I'm your lobster You're my lobster
I blush so easily when they tease me
When you kiss me It makes me bleed
Through my cheeks But that doesn't mean
I don't believe In you and me Cuz I do
Like the sea To our tranquility
Do not harm me And I will guard you

I love the freckle on your lips
Like a poker game I love when you drop your chips
It's okay that you're a mess I am too
We're built to spill And take our pills Yep that makes two
Me and you Swimming like sharks in a fish tank
Me and you Making messes so dank

I'm here to stay Like a fisherman Who won't leave his bay
Drinking his beer can At his wharf With fishes like sports
Coming out of the blue Waiting to sue
Him for taking their last breaths Underwater With you
Scuba diving High fiving Knuckles bursting
Cuz they're thirsty For air Underneath the deep blue
He calls it His blue crush
His blue crush

I love the freckle on your lips
Like a poker game I love when you drop your chips
It's okay that you're a mess I am too
We're built to spill And take our pills Yep that makes two
Me and you Swimming like sharks in a fish tank
Me and you Making messes so dank

...

I don't even think anymore. I think. But I don't think about thinking. It's like that 1975 song. A love song. That's all they really write about anyways. It is named chocolate, about pot, about thinking how to think. That's like me. I sometimes wanted to feel pleased with the way others thought about me, rather than just being pleased with how I think of myself. It is cool to feel pleased with myself just for my own style. My own brain activity. My own interests and friends and curiosities and abilities.

I sometimes think I am so sexy. Not in a narcotic, narcissistic say. Just in a... Nah, I'm not gonna look at myself in the mirror. But I know I look good kinda way. I used to check myself out in the mirror. But it was a more self affirming way. I like to think of my reflection as an Alicia Keys song booming back towards me and just being like "yeah, walk with confidence like a proud man or woman in the city on the way back from a successful job interview. Nice job man. That look looks great on you."  It is all affirmation stuff. We need self affirmation these days.

Anyways, away from the mirror. Life is good. I see reflections of myself in the way other people live their lives. As a quote I read once referred to, people are more important than possessions. I like to think people are reminders of how great individuals really are. Every corporation, every state and country and continent, is just made up of individuals doing what they do best. Which is being themselves. People remind me to be a better person.

I am slightly philosophical. I am existentialist. This is not a philosophical book.

I watch people. People watching is a national pastime. A leisurely hobby of mine. There was this place where tourists went in Tahoe. They still. Go there. It's called Fanny Bridge. Because every time they lean over the bridge rail, there buts jut outwards toward the all seeing public. I always loved that as a little kid. Tourists have no sort of self consciousness whatsoever. That guy on the safari cruise with his Hawaiian shirt, binoculars, and backpack full of postcards. What a guy.

Tourism is big in Laguna Beach, where I am from. It makes me restless, thinking about how restless those damn tourists are. I haven't seen all the places they have seen and I live here. They get their knick knacks, their knock offs, their crocks, and fanny packs. And then head off to a resort and sit on the beach, and call it a day. Tourists are really the perfect kinds citizen. They buy everything and stir up absolutely no trouble.


Drive By

Currently I am driving by one of my old stomping grounds: San Clemente. Everything is cute and quaint here. The freeways are so familiar. Everything is so familiar. It's as if the imprint of the town never completely washes off me.

The Spanish names of the towns, the cottage style businesses. It's all very homey.

Driving. Driving still. Past all the waves and all the babes. Past the schools and restaurants and churches. Past the neighborhoods where kids play and the tattoo shops, pawn shops, and liquor stores where adults play. Past the strip joints, bong shops, retail stores, chains and locales, everything. We just drive.

There are four kinds of people in this world: the powerful cholerics (slytherin), peaceful phlegmatics (hufflepuff), popular sanguines (gryffindor), and perfect melancholics (ravenclaw). I use Harry Potter here because it is just so applicable.

I am a peaceful phlegmatic. But every now and then I can be a powerful choleric. That's why I am sitting in a chair at the UCSD medical center right now. At this program known as C.a.r.e. Which stands for cognitive assessment and risk evaluation.

I still have some red in me. We all do. But me especially. Especially when I am not on my meds. Red can be a good thing though when red is trying to combat more red. Think of the Emergency sign on a hospital it's red. Red Cross, also red. Same with lifeguard symbols and other things of that nature. Fire stations... We have already gone over this. But the fire inside me, the red, it's not all bad.

I sit here today trying to help my therapist help me to sort out, like the sorting cap in nothing other than Harry Potter, the good from the bad red. What stirs me up, what gets me down, what ticks me off, what knocks my head in and out, upside down and sideways.

Back when I had too much red in me, towards those around me and society, this is something I wrote down:

If I had one piece of advice to the world it would be this: the world actually doesn't expect you to amount to much of anything, so be anything you want to be. If you think about it this way, the world (or people in general) do not want you to create but rather consume. Being a good citizen is paying for clothes, contributing to the ever growing economy, paying for a college education, becoming some well off person in a profession such as medicine, law, and the like. You know what these professions deal with though? Sick people and crappy law suits. By becoming a doctor or lawyer (nothing personal against anyone who has become or is becoming one), you are unconsciously banking on the fact that people will be sick and that people will be pissed off at another neighbor for destroying their view or cutting trees that are on their side of the property, and other nonsensical business like that. Sure, people are going to get sick and people are going to have major law claims, but is this all really helping society or hurting it? I am scared about how fast medicine and law are advancing with so little to show for society as a whole actually becoming healthier. So, in relating all this back to the beginning, all I have to say is that everything has pros and cons, and some things are riskier than others, but you have to, at all costs, go with what your heart desires. Your heart and soul will win out in the end. Don't do what you think society wants. That would be the worst decision of your life. Laugh at those who laugh at you. Give thanks to those who give thanks to you.

...

Currently, I know the world does not expect me to amount to anything, but it hopesI will become a fulfilled human being, and find a wholesome and rewarding job that allows me to both learn and extol skills and assets I have available to me.

I embrace the challenges of this world. There are so many challenges. But good challenges. If we face these challenges, we get more challenges and more rewards.

This life is a video game.

Or a parable. What was that one with the man who received 5 talents and made 5 more, and lived in the kingdom of God the rest of his life. And the other man who received only one talent and buried it, and was a servant the rest of his life. We never get more than we can handle. We just have to accept the gifts we have and do not have.

We are all blessed, as long as we know we are blessed. We know what we know. We don't know what we don't know. I think I read about that in Walden by Thoreau.

I also read in there that we should “not stretch the seams too much of anything we try on for it might do great service to the person whom it fits” (Thoreau, Walden). We are all trying to find what fits us.

In any enterprise or business, we are just trying to find the perfect fit. Whether in relationships, or jobs, or friends, or schools, or vocations, or vacations, or hobbies. We just want that thing, that style, that life, that lifestyle, that fits us best.

I'm opening up doors in my mind.

...

I have lived a little and died a little. Doors have to be closed first before I can start opening other doors. The blue is still everywhere I look. I just notice it more now as I become more stable, the blue is harder to find. The colors aren't as black and white. They all blend together a little in real life and it is all about distinguishing one feeling from another in this non bipolar world.


A Short Story

“Walking through the gardens, he found the key ingredient to eternal life. The eternal component however was not tangible. Rather, it was existential and mental. An eternal bliss. A constant state of childhood, even as his beard thinned and grayed. Where he found this ingredient, we will uncover in this novel. The guide to time travel. But time first must be traveled backwards in order to be traveled forwards. This will not be deeper than it has to be. It is just a story that a man wrote, an idea once had.”
The Boy and His Blue Cottage, The Girl and Her Galaxy

Walking through the garden where he always walked, his mind began to wander. Here it goes again, another day dream, another voyage into the mystical unknown space known as the imagination. Here we go again.
Body continues to sway through the overgrown thistles and weeds of the garden. The garden was unkempt currently. No one to tend to it besides this boy, in blue overalls and a white linen shirt. He would watch over it. But not over it, necessarily. He would just roam through it, waiting for the green garden to heal itself. He believed far too little in himself and far too much in mother nature.
Anyways, his mind began to ramble, in the same way his voice would ramble in its awkward, quivering way, when he’d talk to girls his age.
When he’d imagine things, he’d always imagine the past. He never looked forward too much. He always lived life backwards. I guess that’s because his idea of eternal life was simply walking backwards until he met the day of his birth (3241994 in his case), the day he was most fully alive. Most aware of his life.

Anyways, I’ll let him take the stage now.

I am walking through the gardens. Sure there are green gardens outside. But I am walking through the green gardens on the inside. It’s not too hard really, just imagine your subconscious coming up to fully greet you and guide your every move. Imagine memories coming to full glow, like the one at sunset when the sun is fully radiating off the ocean to create this great orange tint that sparkles throughout the entire atmosphere all the way up to the balcony you are looking out at the ocean from.
This is where I am. It is a place really. Let me tell you a story of when I was a young man. When I cared about how the garden looked, when I thought innocence and naivety were the worst things a person could ever have. Rather than essential tools towards surviving in this cold, brutal world.
I was twenty years old, when I began fully imagining everything that had went before me. And nothing really that would go after me. Who cared where I ended up. My parents, maybe. But not me. The friends who were fickle would not care about where I ended up, but would be sure to jump on the bandwagon of my friendship if I did do well. I did not want this sort of game. I already grow up in paradise. Now it’s about totally unlocking the jewels of this paradise and stop living according to another’s dreams. But rather learning entirely from the treasure trove of knowledge the past allows for.
Remember how you always loved your pacifier when you were young, my mom would say. Remember how you were such a good kid, but would yell at the top of your lungs whenever we would pass by a sports park and wouldn’t let you out, my dad would say. Remember how when we took you to your first sports game, you screamed so loud any time anyone cheered after a play. Man, we could take you everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Babies man. I was one at one point. I just remember little things.
The little things are the most important in the end.
Closing Thoughts (approximately 1 ½ years later)

Her eyes are now everything to me. They speak a million words. No, they speak every word, show every joy and pain, friendship and heartache, she has ever gone through. I have fallen in love. I can finally walk through a garden now everytime I look into her eyes. She has gardens within her, galaxies within her, entire universes and solar systems wrapped inside her eyes. Her soul is beautiful. I only want her. I hurt for her. What if I lose those eyes. What will I do if we don’t always collide. How could I not be tangled up in her? One thing is for sure I will always want her in this life of mine. Her eyes are my garden. The green eyed girl to my blue eyed boy. I am not manic or depressed anymore, I am simply lucky. I will always be lucky.



I guess the main part of the story is. There’s no stopping falling in love. My one piece of advice would be to “never fall in love”. But do it anyway. Fall hard. And keep falling. And keep giving. Until one day you are a perfect white puffy cloud that is so full. This sort of falling will hurt, but it is the one thing that will also keep you sane if you are truly in love. If you love yourself and are in love with another, and love others, who can hurt you.

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” - Bob Marley

Peace Out.

--
Andrew (aka Steezy D, or just Drew)

Melloww Mountain Dew
1. Allie's Fresh Tracks
G9 Bm7 D C7

Wake up at dawn
Get to the lift
Let out a yawn
No line through which I sift

The top of the mountain
Ready to cruise
Boots on like a dolphin fin
Avoiding a heel bruise

I fly down the mountain inside
Creating fresh tracks, I ride my mind
I turn down the light at night
Learning to relax, I write bedside

Wake up at dawn
Coffee I sip
Mowing my lawn
Avoiding the trip

The top of the world
I chose to lose
Red wine with my girl
Lighting a fuse

I now watch the tide rise in my eyes
The lowest lows lead to the highest highs
Driving on the road, morning time
Friendly abode to kill time and create a rhyme

Blues, reds, oranges, white, and black.

Arbor
Dear Shane,

My name is Andrew, we just spoke on the phone about a potential partnership between the Ski or Snowboard Club at UC Davis (SOS) and Arbor.

Arbor’s mission is very much in line with what we hope to promote as a club — a passion for skiing and snowboarding, as well as the environment and living life to the fullest. With this partnership, we would love to be promoting your company to our 400+ members. I am confident your forward thinking designed products would be of high interest to our student body and SOS members at UC Davis.

SOS differs from the Davis Alpine Ski Team (DAS) in that we are completely student run. Our main mission is to organize and facilitate functions for the members of the club, including but not limited to: the All Call ski and snowboard festival, weekend cabin trips to Tahoe, and discounted gear. Our club is dedicated to getting members to the snow in the cheapest and most fun way possible. With over 400 members each year, SOS organizes cabin trips or social events nearly every week and maintains the highest degree of visibility both on the UC Davis campus and within the surrounding community.

In our mission of making it possible for college students to enjoy the incredible sports that are skiing and snowboarding, SOS relies on companies to provide support.

As a sponsor, you can look forward to the following promotional efforts:

Online media promotion. Arbor’s logo and website link on the sponsor page of our own website. Shout outs and pictures of product via Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
Display of your company’s banner, if provided, at year-round events and our winter season cabin trips.
Your logo on our t-shirts that we distribute to all of our members throughout the year.
We have our First Big Meeting on October 1st, where students have the opportunity to show up and learn what SOS has to offer them. This is our most extensive and widely promoted meeting, with attendance usually nearing 500 students. It’s a great opportunity for us to give out any small products you send us (such as stickers etc.) while also displaying your banner.

Our requests of our sponsors include:

Sponsor donations of product or possibly a discount code for our 20 staff members to promote. Clothing, stickers and small items with your company’s logo on them are also nice to give out at our daily information tables and other events. 

We feel very confident that a working relationship between Arbor and the Ski or Snowboard Club at UCD will prove beneficial to both parties. We are happy to work with whatever Arbor is able to offer and would love the opportunity to promote your company.

You can check us out at www.skiorsnowboardclub.com, www.facebook.com/ucdsos, and find us on Instagram @skiorsnowboardclub.

On behalf of the Ski or Snowboard Club, we thank you for your time and wish you much success. Please let me know if this partnership is of any interest to Arbor. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Best,

Andrew
SOS


SKILLS
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.
Consectetuer adipiscing elit.
Sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt.
‌oreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat.
AWARDS
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet Consectetuer adipiscing elit, Sed diam nonummy
Nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet Consectetuer adipiscing elit, Sed diam nonummy
Nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat.
LANGUAGES
Lorem ipsum, Dolor sit amet, Consectetuer

A Radical Departure from the Times

End of the Week Post